Insecure, Emotional House Seeking New Owner

My house is a disaster today.

Seriously, I’ve never met a more insecure, emotional crew in my life.

The Dishes are nice most of the time. But lately, they’ve been really needy. It’s getting a little ridiculous.

Like seriously Dishes? We just hung out yesterday. Do we really have to see each other again today?

And Laundry? Don’t even get me started on those two.  This morning my Washer was all “Please don’t LEAVE me! I feel so alone when you’re gone.”

I tried to reason with her. I said, “Washer, you have Dryer RIGHT HERE. Just talk to her.”

But she was inconsolable, “DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASEEEE!!!!” And Dryer was no help, rolling her eyes and sighing at me with her mouth full of wrinkly shirts.

So I had to stay there and do another load. AN. OTH. ER. LOAD.

By the time I came upstairs, my Vacuum was in hysterics, complaining that I must love everyone more than her because I hadn’t gone out with her in over a week, and I’m always making excuses and telling her to “be quiet or you’ll wake the baby.”

Before I was even finished calming the Vacuum, the Toilet got in huge fight with the Bathroom Floor, and both of them have major potty mouths when they’re angry. I hollered some cliche threat about washing their mouths out with soap if they didn’t knock it off, but they kept at it and got louder until they actually did wake the baby. You can imagine how thrilled that made me.

At this point, I’m just really tired of it all.

I’ve given into their demands, and codependently protected their fragile emotions for too long. Its draining, and it’s wasting my best years.

I don’t want to be one of those people who puts up with dysfunctional relationships for way too long because they’re just too scared of the unknown.

So this afternoon, I decided it’s time:

I’m moving out.

I can’t put up with this mess anymore, and I have no energy left for cleaning it up again.

So if you’re in the market for a new place, there’s a condo for sale on my street. I hear it’s pretty nice, if you don’t mind a little clean up from the previous tenant.

And if anybody needs me… I’ll be at the Holiday Inn.



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